2015

Wow! It's been a minute. I can't tell you how many wonderful, tragic, confusing, joyful, funny, and hurtful things have transpired since my last post. I sometimes wish I was less private and would just pour out EVERYTHING, but I'm not. Just know that I'm praying the negative things will build some spiritual muscle and strengthen my relationship with Christ, making me more effective for His Kingdom and purposes. Selah. 😉 

It's 2015 and I have started a goal journal. I have so many notebooks, it's not even funny! I need to write some more goals. One of them will be to post here at least once a month. My life is usually pretty hectic, but surely I can swing 12 post in a span of a year. I need to schedule a regular day of rest. So crucial, I think. I can blog on those days. 

I guess this counts as 1/2 of a post. I will post another with some deets about some of  the fun things in my life. We'll see if I can accomplish this goal. Anything is possible. 

Love&Joy! 

Crafter Confesisonal - Part Deux

Well, people. I missed my original deadline. It was rather sad. However, my accountability partner saw pity on me and allowed me another couple of weeks. So now I have until the end of August to get my projects done. Amazingly, I am moving along quite well with my extension. I plan to have everything hanging on the walls that should have been ages ago, put legs on my box spring, create a rustic headboard, put pulls on my bedroom furniture, and finish up a baby gift that is long overdue. I can't wait! I will post pics of all my completed projects on the next entry. 

In the meantime, I find myself trying to contain my need to create so that I don't get overwhelmed again. Everywhere I turn, I see another opportunity to make something. My accountability partner had the great idea to take my time, plan out one project and see it through to the end. Novel idea, right? The kicker (at least for me) is to refrain from starting anything else until that project is done. Wow. To be able to control my project ADD (let's call it PADD). That would be a miracle. Now, after doing some reading lately and attending some workshops, I'm finding that its not abnormal for my creative process to be so messy and random. However, the OCD/planner part of me can't take it. My creative process eventually gets on my nerves. lol! So my fight is for balance. I need both parts of me. I need to be able to make things, use my hands. I also need to have a neat, uncluttered space. Both help me to deal with stress in different ways. 

The other part of this journey is to be mindful of my time. Managing how many activities I participate in and knowing when to say "no" to the needs or desires of others. I'm a helper. I have always been one. When I see somebody in need, I try to help. If a job needs to get done, I try to help. To not be available to people is hard, but I don't need to give all my time away. My home ends up neglected, Sugar is starved for attention (that's my cat), and I'm stressed to the max. Then I try to compensate by staying up late, which makes me tired. I lose all motivation and energy to do my projects, but then I get a call for help and I'm all of sudden motivated and energetic. Cray? Yeah. It's a vicious cycle. 

Priorities. I'll get it figured out. C.A. (Crafters Anonymous) is about to start up again this fall. I'm excited to use that time for my crafting outlet. Already have a couple of ideas to plan out. ;o)

Well that's it for this update. The end of 2014 is going to be interesting. Many changes to come. Opportunities for growth and maturity. I'm going to have a positive outlook on it all. Growing is never easy, but its always worth it. 

Look out for Part Trois in the next month or so. God bless!

Crafter Confessional - Part 1

Hello, world! 

As promised, we are changing subjects on this post. Much has happened since the last post as far as the single life, but I don't want to discuss it. lol! I do spend my time thinking about other things. One of those things is crafts. I'm obsessed! So much so, I started a group at my church about it called "Crafters Anonymous". We would meet twice a month and work on our projects together. Its been a great way to meet new people and get to know others I knew very little about. Fun times. We are taking a break for the summer, but hope to reemerge in the fall. 

(Takes a deep breath...) Ok. I have a confession. I'm addicted to projects and the creative formulation of them. It's a sickness (hence the name of the aforementioned church group). I literally get an idea for a project based on an item I see in a store (usually 2nd hand or on clearance), lying around my home or a friend's home, near a dumpster or on a curb (freecycle is my friend), or from Pinterest. I gather items for the project and either start it (without formulating a plan) or store it somewhere until I can procure the rest of the needed items (and if this happens, it means I ain't got the duckets). I then stash these items in my home (my itty bitty 2 bedroom, 1 bath apartment that feels like sardine can). Oh, you might think that I just have a junk drawer, shelf, or storage bin of hodge podge items. Au contraire, mes amis! Let me list some of these items:

Pallets (6, to be exact...)

Canvases

Drawer pulls

Cans of paint

Throw pillows

Side tables

Bookcases

Shelves
Mattress Pad foam

I could go on, but I think I have embarrassed myself quite enough.  I'm not a hoarder in the reality show sense. My home is cleant with plenty of empty space to walk around! No narrow path through the project debris. I just can't seem to follow through with my ideas. Project ADD/ADHD with mild hoarder tendencies is my self diagnosis (yes, this is on top of my acute onset of ASD triggered by unfamiliar social situations...I'm a mess!). 

So what is a girl to do? "I don wanna lih ly deese..." (Translation: I don't want to live like this." Its from a commercial several years ago...) One of my "throw away everything" fits set in and I began going through my "treasures". I saw all the unfinished projects and was fed up with me. I sat down and made a list of the projects (that survived my fit), emailed my bestie, enlisting her help to free me of my ridiculousness, and gave myself a deadline. Any projects not completed by August 18th (the day the choir I sing with starts back with rehearsals), I have to throw away the remaining supplies. On top of that I have to somehow refrain from starting new projects and hoarding more "treasures".

As I write this, I realize that I also have to decide how to tackle projects in the future. Reverting is not optimal. There has to be another way! Maybe I need to have idea journals all around me so that when I'm inspired I can write it down first, plan for supplies and execution, and set a deadline. 

Another obstacle of mine is the inability to estimate how much time it will take to finish a task. I usually get lost in details, making it difficult to finish in a decent amount of time. Don't even get me started on what I do when I utterly FAIL at my project! Oy vey! Let's just call it the Project Abyss (PA for short). PA is currently located in the spare oom's closet. However, its so out of hand that the majority of the room is actually a part of PA. Ok, it is PA. (sigh) It's a scary place to be.... (Total truth? PA has moved into the living room and it's closet...) Très mal! 

Now my task is to tackle each of these projects. Finding time to do them has been a challenge. When I get home from work, I just want to veg on the couch. Whenever energy does hit, I usually have a bunch of chores to tackle. So far I have completed 2 projects. Can I make the time to do more AND stick with all my other goals (working out, getting plenty of rest, eating well, keeping my home tidy, finding a part-time job, helping others in need)? We'll see. All I know is that my ultimate goal is to have a more peaceful home that is on the verge of a minimalist motif. That may come through completing projects OR throwing more stuff away. I'm down for whatever!

Join me as I post the progress of this journey. Who knows? Maybe blogging about it will be the perfect catalyst for success. 

Smooches! Je t'aime! 

Here We Goooo...

As I sit here at my computer, I am trying to think of what to share. Several things have transpired in my life that could make interesting posts, but I'm not sure what to choose. Part of me wants to continue discussing the ups and downs of single life. The other part of me wants to take a break and discuss something more fun. I was going to do a combo, but then I decided that I wanted to share one more "serious" post and then post an entry with a lighter subject matter soon after. 

Well, ladies and gents, my 34 year "dating slump" was finally broken this winter, but only for a short time. I am grateful for the experience because it taught me a lot about myself and I learned how to set boundaries with the opposite sex. What did I learn about myself, you ask? First: Sincerity is a very important trait for me when considering a beau. I am drawn to sincere hearts. Second: I can fall hard pretty quickly. I think it takes a lot for my head to turn and once it is, I get sold quickly. So, I have to guard my heart fiercely (in a healthy way, of course) and move slowly. Third: I need to let go of my fantasies and refrain from putting the Lord in a box (more on that in a few...). 

There is a part of me that wants to divulge every detail because one of my strengths (and often my faults) is that I am very open and honest and often feel compelled to share all. But I will hold my tongue (or fingers). I will say that it was enjoyable for the first time to have mutual interest expressed. The dates that we went on were alot of fun. Though in many ways I found that we were compatible, unfortunately, our goals with dating were not compatible. I wanted to date with a purpose and he didn't. Great lessons learned and more to come as we navigate friendship and I start my process of moving on.

I have been reading the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. The book discusses the inner workings of a man. It is fascinating and very insightful. If you haven't read it, please do! (His wife also wrote the woman's version called Captivating. Highly recommended!) I got to the point where he discusses how God can reconcile and heal the wounded places of the masculine heart and this passage struck me:

"Most of us have been misinterpreting life and what God is doing for a long time. 'I think I'm just trying to get God to make my life work easier,' a client of mine confessed, but he could have been speaking for most of us. We're asking the wrong questions. Most of us are asking, 'God, why did you let this happen to me?' Or, 'God, why won't you just... (fill in the blank - help me succeed, get my kids to straighten out, fix my marriage - you know what you've been whining about). But to enter into a journey of initiation with God requires a new set of questions: What are you trying to teach me here? What issues in my heart are you trying to raise through this? What is it you want me to see? What are you asking me to let go of? In truth, God has been trying to initiate you for a long time. What is in the way is how you've mishandled your wound and the life you've constructed as a result."

The last couple of sentences are rather specific to the "masculine heart" as Eldredge describes. However, the questions posed stuck out to me. After this guy and I decided to just be friends, I was asking why I had to go through this situation and why I couldn't have just continued along with life as usual. I was also asking why him? In case you don't know me, I'm a planner by nature. Even though I may not execute all of my ideas, I think them through thoroughly, down to the smallest detail. So when it came to finally coming across a man that I would be interested in and he in turn interested in me, I had this dude pegged to a tee! He was going to be in love with God, put together, walking in purpose (or at least actively searching), and ready to marry. I even had his style picked out and his place of origin (Yeah, its that bad...). This guy blew ALL of this out of the water. He totally ruined my fantasy and I didn't mind it one bit. Most of his personality traits and good looks were on point. ;o) Now, I'm not saying that this man is someone that I will marry (obviously, he's not interested in that at all). But I am saying that I was pleasantly surprised at how drawn I was to him and how easy it was for me to be myself with him even though he didn't fit my little fantasy. I didn't stumble over words and I found myself trying to make moments to talk and be around him. Completely uncharacteristic of me! (I have nicely diagnosed myself with an acute onset of ASD when in unfamiliar social situations.) Because of that I felt I needed to explore what the heck could be going on and I did.

Next thing you know, it all comes to a halt and I'm asking questions of the Lord, trying to figure out why this even had to happen and trying to move on. Then this passage comes across my eyes and I'm struck with how to truly move forward in this process. I need to find out the lesson(s) in all of this, much like I did when I realized years ago that getting married wasn't going to happen any time soon for me. What else other than the few insights about myself can I learn? I'm not the biggest fan of going through unpleasant and unclear situations in order to learn lessons. I like to be in control and know what is ahead, but the Lord is saying otherwise. He wants me to trust Him completely. My current phrase of affirmation is "God is faithful". I know that this will all work out for my good. He is the God of purpose. He doesn't just allow anything to happen in our lives without weaving it into a beautiful tapestry for His glory. 

Amen.

Back in the Saddle Again

Okay, peeps! 

Its been years since I have posted anything on this blog. I don't like that fact. My life has been a whirlwind, to say the least, and now that things are a bit calmer I want to start using this blog more often. 

I'm an introvert by nature and all of my processing is usually internal. I often find myself falling over words when I speak, especially in unfamiliar social situations (I call it an acute onset of ASD -- self-diagnosed). However, if you give me a computer or pad and pen, thoughts flow much more fluidly. Blogs are good for people like me, I think. I plan to take advantage for my own sake, for fun, and to hopefully inspire or entertain others. 

Now, I know that the blog market is completely saturated at this point, but I am not looking for notoriety. If great things blossom, then let them blossom. If I am the only person reading this blog, then I will entertain myself. lol! Either way, its a journey that I would like to take. Feel free to join me as I discuss 3 things I love: God, living single (for now), and all things beautiful. 

What new or renewed things do you want to embark on in this season of your life? When will you start?

Until the next post...

Signing off, 

JustSeyeBeauty